Calming The Storm Within
It was a dreary afternoon, the day I received the results of my MRI. At least that’s the way I remember it. Up until that appointment, I’d attended every doctor’s visit on my own, being the independent woman that I was. Fortunately, I had enough sense to ask my sister to accompany me to the Neurologist’s office that particular afternoon.
The doctor explained the results of the MRI. The lesion was at the c5 level of my spinal cord affecting everything from my neck down. Due to the hourglass shape of the lesion, my legs were more impacted by the damage than my arms. Although my motor functions were affected, my sensory nerves remained intact (small blessing). The doctor didn’t know if the condition would get worse and there was only a remote chance steroid treatments would improve the situation.
As we left the doctor’s office, I tried to digest the unwelcome news. I felt numb. Completely and utterly numb. This couldn’t be happening to me. I had led a fairly charmed life with no major health challenges or deaths in our family.
If it’s possible, I was beyond anxious. I was swimming in my own thoughts, trying to understand the ramifications of what was happening to my body. I felt completely isolated--even when surrounded by friends and family. Everyone around me was healthy. No one knew how it felt to be diagnosed with a rare life changing disorder. No one knew how terrified I was.
Once home, I curled up in my bed, let the tears flow and prayed fervently to my Heavenly Father. I didn’t fall asleep that night, but I did rest peacefully in the comfort of God’s love, and His promise that he would always be with me. For the first time in my life I experienced the true meaning of the scripture verse:
“And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.”
----Mark 4:39 KJV